Are you in a relationship with conflicting value systems? If you are, be assured that you are not alone in your dilemma. Although conflict is usually a contributing factor to any healthy relationship (you won't get along with your partner on at least the trivial things, that's for sure), when two life perspectives conflict, the difference may be too much to encourage a meaningful coexistence to flourish, much less in marriage.
Everyone has his or her own set of values, which have been picked up along the way in life. You may have come from a very conservative family, with each member having a role to assume, and your partner may have come from a modern family where roles are interchangeable, even disposable.
Your notions of marriage may include the thought that your partner should be a full-fledged homemaker and look after the kids, while she wouldn't do with such constricting ideas. Either way, you have to work things out to a compromise in order to make the relationship work.
Have you gone out of your way to ascertain your partner's take on life? Have you pondered on issues, which are all but taboo in your relationship? Take abortion for example, how does your significant other feel about the issue? Is she adamantly against it, or is she comfortable with such an alternative? Some couples are so comfortable with each other's strengths and weaknesses that the things we consider as taboo are practically a non-issue to them.
Consider couples wherein both partners are porn stars. Whatever your impression on what role porn stars should assume, the truth is that there are married porn stars who have no qualms in showing skin in front of a camera, and their partners are perfectly comfortable with it as well. While this may seem an extreme example of breaking value boundaries, it's still something to learn from and adapt to.
Take note that even the differences which are poles apart can be remedied by a simple sit-down, as long as at least one of you is willing enough to compromise with the other person's side.
Talk to your partner about what bugs you the most, what pushes your buttons, and be prepared to listen with an understanding ear on what your partner has to say. Some people consider their values of primary importance, even more than their lives, and as such, they are usually the first in line to defend them.
Make sure that you converse in a loving manner, and lay out all the cards on the table even if your partner won't. If the relationship is worth the effort of going out on a limb on your part, then do it, so long as you don't lose your own values in the process.
Compromise is healthy as long as any of the couple isn't forced into getting into it. If the situation is too deep, you would do best to work with a relationship counselor in order to smoothen out your differences.
Whether you have differing convictions in monetary, personal, or ethical issues, conversation is the easiest way to break barriers, and you'll only benefit by giving it a go.
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